‘Disgust’: Bach fave dumped in cruel twist
The Bachelor has lost all attraction to the woman who was once his favourite and coldly dumped her, all because she bravely stepped up and became a whistleblower to expose ugly truths about a rival.
And in a defiant last move after weeks of being polite, she lets rip in a bitter back seat monologue.
Australia is shocked at the dumping. Well, we don't care enough to be shocked. We didn't see it coming though, so that's probably a more accurate way to put it.
Something we are legitimately shocked by is a graphic act of "slight humping" that goes to air. We almost threw up our Mars Pods.
Wednesday night is a classic tale of back-stabbing, sabotage and Instagram - exactly like William Shakespeare's Othello.
First up, we're made sit through a boring group date which is very inconvenient because we're only here for the take-down and the big twist. What is the group date? It's about as interesting as watching two silent people stare into each other's eyes for a total of 40 minutes in real time.
That's literally the date, so obviously you didn't miss anything. Somehow, Elly wins some private time with Matt. I don't really know how, but she got the date. And instead of, you know, enjoying the date with Matt, she decides to launch round two of her big Abbie take-down.
As we learnt last week when she launched part one, Elly is too nice to execute a take-down. She doesn't have the capabilities that say, you or I, would effortlessly possess on such a mission. Round one of the take-down flopped so she's trying again. And she tells Matt that Abbie's only doin' it for the 'gram.
"Abbie's not here for the right reasons. She just wants to be famous on social media," she fumbles.
"Annnnd?" we all yell at the TV, because we'd honestly be more surprised by a reality contestant who wasn't doin' it for the 'gram.
"And there is stuff that goes on that you're not aware of. You're here to find a love that lasts and that's why you need to be really careful of Abbie," she adds.
Elly is sure Matt has heard her warning loud and clear this time. He has. But not how she expected. Elly's take-down completely backfires and blows up in her innocent little face.
Her revelation has kinda irritated Matt - he wanted a lovely date with her, not listen to her sledge Abbie. After all, these recaps are the only acceptable place to sledge Abbie, thankyouverymuch Elly.
"This is the second time Elly has brought up Abbie," Matt sighs to us. "I don't mind being made aware of things others have said or done. But this sounds more like, 'This is my opinion about this girl'. And that doesn't really help me. It has unsettled me a little bit. Now I need to find out the truth."
So he does what any normal person would do when they want to find out the truth. He goes to the mansion, tells Abbie she has won a single date and then he locks her in the back of this van until she reveals all.
Inside the mansion, we hurl ourselves onto the couch, swing our feet up on the coffee table and intentionally kick off Emma's cup of tea. We tell Elly that she probably should've kept her trap shut and minded her own bees wax but she's adamant that truth prevails and also that unicorns eat rainbows and glitter.
"Matt needs to become aware that Abbie's just obsessed with sexual chemistry," she whispers.
Abbie is a lot of things. But a fiend who is obsessed with sexual chemistry?
We suddenly cut to Abbie who has busted out of the van and dragged Matt into a bedroom.
"Hopefully he just wants to shag," she winks at us.
Matt's plans to interrogate Abbie are immediately thwarted when she pushes him onto a bed.
"I'm slightly humping Matt at one point because things are going through my head," she tells us while pashing and grinding on Matt. Abbie slightly humping has left us slightly traumatised.
Matt struggles out of Abbie's powerful thigh grip to begin the interrogation.
"There's been mention that you're essentially building a profile on social media," he tells her.
Abbie pretends to be heartbroken by the accusation. She closes her eyes and gasps. Abbie seems like the kind of person who's regularly accused of a lot of things, so she's had many chances to practice her "blindsided" expression.
"This is ridiculous, I honestly thought we were beyond the thought of back-stabbing and sabotaging each other," she exhales and clutches her face.
She then pretends like she's never heard of Instagram before.
" … I don't even want to be involved in … Instagram," she says, trying to sound unsure of what exactly the social media platform even is.
A quick look on the 'gram shows Abbie is absolutely more than involved in it. But I'll abandon my deep dive investigation into Abbie's Instagram and leave that to Four Corners.
She craps on more about her feelings for Matt and we don't believe any of it but we also don't care that much.
"This is just what I've been told by … someone," Matt tells her.
And Abbie knows just who that someone is.
We head to the cocktail party and we don't bother telling Elly that Abbie's coming for her because we wanna see a fight break out organically. So we lay our body on one of the patio lounges and swing our legs up, intentionally kicking over Emma's drink again.
"I feel like I need seven drinks … I'm just anxious about tonight," Elly whispers.
"You should be, you're about to have your hair pulled," we mumble to ourselves while handing her the fresh drink Emma just made for herself.
Abbie enters the patio and she's way too cocky and acting like Matt's girlfriend. Tension is in the air. Elly thinks Abbie doesn't know, which is perfect because Abbie doesn't want Elly to know that she knows.
But because Elly's a good girl, she can't deal with the anxiety and the guilt so she pulls Abbie away to confess that she blew the whistle. And just like Elly's two previous attempts at a take-down, her public confrontation skills are also a real let down and Abbie just refuses to engage.
"Elly's trying to defend herself and it's actually quite pathetic. I am disgusted by Elly and I think she's a horrible person who has a complete facade of being a nice person," Abbie spits to us after running away. And like, cool - but, don't forget, you dobbed on Mon and got her eliminated after telling Matt that she called him a dog cantaloupe, soooo karma is a mischievous dame.
Abbie's sure she'll go home because of Elly. But what she's forgetting is Emma is still here and obviously she's going to be cut.
But Emma isn't cut.
One by one, three roses are handed out until Emma is left standing - alongside Elly.
Matt calls Emma's name. And in a twist we didn't see coming, the nice girl who everyone thought could win is dumped. The whistleblower is punished - banished for telling the truth.
She doesn't know what to do except ugly cry. Osher enters to tell her to GTFO but she can't even look up. Blinking away the tears, she manages to walk over to Matt and he escorts her outside to the Uber.
"I'm just so confused," she wails.
"It's just a sh*tty part of it … I have to make decisions based on the strength of connections," he replies.
He piles her into the Uber. After weeks of being polite and not stepping on anyone's toes, Elly is heartbroken. But more than anything, she's bloody pissed. And she lets rip in a bitter back seat monologue.
"Like, What the f**k!" she growls as the Uber speeds down the highway. "What the f**k happened? I think Abbie has really pulled the wool over his eyes and it could be her at the end of it. Maybe he took the Abbie thing the wrong way … I still don't regret saying anything to Matt."
It's not always the right thing to tell the truth - it's why we never do. I guess we'll catch you on the 'gram, Elly. And just for fun, we're going to start tagging you in the comments sections under all of Abbie's photos.