If you fill your life with happiness there is no room for negatives.
If you fill your life with happiness there is no room for negatives. PHOTO Think Stock

Too happy to be anxious?

THE less energy you spend on frustration, irritation and anxiety the more energy you have to enjoy, have fun and be constructive, productive and loving.

Who wouldn't want that? All of us would say that that ideal is what we're after and I am sure that you know people who live that way regardless of the difficulty they encounter; in the aftermath of dealing with whatever it is, they talk of the learning and the opportunity not the disaster or the pain.

With both personal and professional experience in many diverse and extreme situations, I've found that there are several ways to assist people in changing their perspective on the impact of events that create greater resilience and a more constructive approach to their living.

One of the most important is the ability to reflect. Something which many of us in the thrust and parry of our daily lives neglect to do unfortunately and which, when engaged in, is startlingly enlightening.

The following few questions will start the process - some of which will be more important than others for you. Take your time to think through the responses you give to yourself and as you open up, be okay with honesty and discomfort:

Who are you becoming? Who do you want to become?

Do you have a personal mission statement? If you did, what would it be?

Do you consider yourself worthy of love and admiration?

What story are you telling yourself about your life?

What do you want your life to look like in five years? What's the next step to make it happen?

What habits are holding you back from success? What belief do you need to change?

What thoughts and feelings do you want people to have when they hear your name?

What one word would you use to describe yourself?

What do you do to push yourself outside your comfort zone each day?

Are you content? If not, what is the source of your lack of contentment?

If you could eliminate one thing from your life today, what would it be?

How do you express your gratitude for good things and people you have in your life?

When do you challenge your beliefs?

What have you learnt that will help others?

This could be the most important conversation of your life so make sure you're listening. When you keep things in perspective and are less easily stressed, life is good, isn't it?

Nick Bennett is a facilitator, performance coach and partner of Minds Aligned: http://www.mindsaligned.com.au.